1. “Polyamory is just about sex.”
Polyamory emphasizes relationships, not just sex. Many people practice CNM because they value deep emotional, romantic, and long-term connections with more than one partner. Some polyamorous relationships are sexual, others aren’t, just like in monogamy.
2. “Polyamorous people can’t commit.”
Polyamory requires commitment—just in a different form. Instead of committing to exclusivity, partners commit to honesty, communication, and supporting each other’s needs. Many polyamorous relationships last years or decades.
3. “Polyamory is inherently unstable and doomed to fail.”
All relationships—monogamous or polyamorous—can succeed or fail depending on the people involved. Studies show that satisfaction and longevity in CNM relationships are comparable to monogamous ones when partners communicate and align expectations.
4. “Polyamory means you don’t love your partner enough.”
Love isn’t a finite resource. Polyamorous people see love as abundant—loving one person doesn’t mean loving another less, just like loving multiple children, friends, or family members doesn’t diminish love for the others.
5. “Polyamory is just cheating with permission.”
Cheating involves deception and breaking agreements. Polyamory is based on consent and communication. Everyone involved knows about and agrees to the structure of the relationships.
6. “Polyamory is unhealthy / it’s a phase / people will grow out of it.”
For some people it is a phase of exploration—but for many, it’s a lifelong orientation. Polyamory is not inherently unhealthy; in fact, it often demands strong emotional skills, self-awareness, and communication.
7. “Polyamory spreads STIs.”
Risk depends on behavior, not relationship style. Many polyamorous communities emphasize safer sex practices, regular STI testing, and open discussions about health. Some monogamous couples never test, assuming safety. Responsible poly folks often test more frequently.
8. “Polyamorous people are jealous all the time.”
Jealousy exists in all relationship styles. Polyamory doesn’t erase jealousy—it just invites people to face it openly, communicate about it, and sometimes reframe it into compersion (joy in your partner’s joy).
9. “Polyamory isn’t natural.”
Humans have a wide range of relationship models throughout history and across cultures—monogamy, polygamy, polyandry, open partnerships, and more. There’s no single “natural” way. What matters is what works ethically for the people involved.
10. “Polyamory is only for people who are young / queer / alternative.”
Polyamorous people exist across every age group, gender, sexual orientation, and cultural background. While CNM communities are often more visible in LGBTQ+ and alternative spaces, it’s practiced by teachers, parents, retirees, veterans, spiritual leaders—you name it.
11. “Polyamory is unfair—someone always gets hurt.”
Hurt happens in all relationship styles. Polyamory can be challenging, but it also allows for mutual support, shared joy, and resilience. Many polyamorous people report feeling more supported with multiple partners than they did in monogamy.
12. “Polyamory is just an excuse for men to have harems.”
That’s a stereotype rooted in sexism. In reality, polyamory isn’t gender-skewed. Many women, queer, and nonbinary people are polyamorous. Poly is about mutual consent, not one-sided entitlement.
13. “Polyamory is selfish.”
It may look self-serving to outsiders, but polyamory actually requires deep consideration of everyone’s needs. Successful poly folks practice radical empathy, transparent communication, and respect for boundaries. Selfishness is ignoring others’ needs, not building networks of care.
14. “Polyamory is for people who can’t handle being alone.”
Healthy polyamory actually encourages a strong sense of self. Many polyamorous people value autonomy and have strong solo practices. It’s about choosing to share life with multiple people, not fearing solitude.
15. “Children can’t thrive in polyamorous families.”
Research suggests children raised in poly households are just as healthy and well-adjusted as those in monogamous ones. Kids benefit from more adults around to provide love, support, and resources. What matters most is stability, care, and honesty—not how many adults are in the household.
16. “Polyamory is too complicated—no one can juggle that.”
Yes, polyamory involves logistics—but so do families, blended households, or friend groups. People develop systems (shared calendars, check-ins, agreements) that help keep things smooth. Complexity isn’t inherently bad; it can foster growth and resilience.
17. “Polyamory is new or trendy—it’s just a fad.”
While the word “polyamory” is recent, multiple relationship structures have existed across cultures and history—indigenous traditions, communal societies, and even old European courtly arrangements. What’s new is the visibility, language, and emphasis on consent.
18. “Polyamory makes relationships unequal.”
It’s true that power dynamics can get tricky—but that’s true in monogamy too. Polyamory makes those dynamics more visible, encouraging active conversations about fairness, hierarchy, and boundaries. Many poly folks practice egalitarian approaches.
19. “Polyamory is too much work.”
Relationships do take work, but many find the emotional skills developed in poly—communication, boundary-setting, conflict resolution—enrich all areas of life. For some, it’s more rewarding than limiting themselves to one romantic channel.
20. “Polyamory is unsafe for women / encourages exploitation.”
Exploitation exists in any system when people ignore consent. But many poly communities actively center consent culture, gender equality, and autonomy. In fact, poly structures can give women and queer folks more freedom to design relationships that meet their needs.
21. “Polyamory is just an excuse to avoid intimacy.”
Far from avoiding intimacy, polyamory often demands more intimacy: sharing fears, discussing vulnerabilities, navigating jealousy. Many people discover levels of emotional honesty they never experienced in monogamy.
22. “Polyamory is incompatible with religion or morality.”
Faith and values vary widely. Some traditions historically practiced nonmonogamy, while others emphasize monogamy. Many polyamorous people are spiritual or religious, and see polyamory as aligned with their values of love, honesty, and care.
23. “Polyamory always ends with one favorite partner and others discarded.”
This does happen sometimes—but it’s not inherent to polyamory. Many people sustain multiple long-term relationships. With honest agreements, non-hierarchical models, or clear expectations in hierarchical ones, relationships can thrive without disposability.
24. “Polyamory is only for people with endless free time.”
Time management is real! Love may be infinite, but resources such as time are not. Polyamorous people don’t always have multiple live-in partners or huge networks. Some have just two deep connections. Others practice “kitchen table poly,” “solo poly,” or “relationship anarchy,” which fit a variety of schedules.
25. “Polyamory is inherently political or rebellious.”
Any individual choice that pushes against dominant social and legal norms (like monogamy) can be viewed as political or rebellious. Most people don’t want to carry a banner. Some find it necessary to hide a significant part of their identity and lives — even from people they love.
Created with ❤️ for the Colorado Springs Poly/ENM Group. All links open in a new tab. Please feel free to comment or suggest additions.
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