Why and how do people come out as consensually nonmonogamous/polyamorous? Let’s discuss the pros and cons, risk and support mapping, and myth-busting.
Should you?
Pros
- Authenticity & relief: less stress from hiding.
- Integrity: life and values align.
- Connection: deeper intimacy with supportive people.
- Representation: normalizes consensual non‑monogamy.
- Practical ease: simpler logistics at gatherings.
Cons / Risks
- Stigma or judgment based on myths.
- Relationship strain with family/friends.
- Professional consequences (context‑dependent).
- Safety & privacy: gossip, doxxing, custody concerns.
- Emotional labor of educating others.
🛑 Selective disclosure is valid. 🛑
How to Tell People
When we really want to be heard and understood, it can be helpful to address misconceptions with empathy. Validate where the concern comes from (fear, unfamiliarity, stereotypes) while gently offering another perspective.
Here’s a list of polyamory myths vs. reality.
Friends
Start where it’s safest and most supportive.
- Casual share: “I’m happily seeing more than one person—everyone’s on board.”
- Boundary: “I’m open to feelings/logistics, not bedroom details.”
- Invite curiosity at your comfort level.
Family
Bridge to shared values: love, honesty, stability, care.
- Go slow—several small conversations are fine.
- Offer resources for learning more.
- Plan holiday/visit logistics (introductions, questions, sleeping arrangements).
Kids & Co‑Parenting
Age‑appropriate, safety‑focused framing.
- Revolving Doors and insecure attachment — vs — multiple stable relationships with healthy modeling and support
- Coordinate labels/boundaries with co‑parents before telling kids.
- “Families can look lots of ways, and you are safe and loved.”
Work / Professional
Highly contextual. Use a relevance filter.
- Ask if disclosure is necessary or helpful to your role.
- Check policies/culture; keep it brief and neutral if you share.
- Document issues; know HR and legal escalation paths.
Small Group Prompts & Activities
Circle Prompts
- What values guide your decision to come out (or not) right now?
- Who feels safest to tell first, and why?
- What support do you want before/during/after disclosure?
- What boundary would feel protective to state up front?
Role‑Play Ideas
- Values bridge: 60‑second share starting with values.
- Boundary setting: “I’ll share X; I won’t discuss Y.”
- Curiosity flips: turn a loaded question into learning.
Resource List
Books
- Polysecure — Jessica Fern
Attachment, trauma, CNM - The Ethical Slut — Dossie Easton & Janet Hardy
Classic CNM guide - Building Open Relationships — Liz Powell
Practical tools & communication - Love’s Not Colorblind — Kevin A. Patterson
Race, representation, polyamory
Podcasts
- Multiamory — Podcast
Tips & interviews - Remodeled Love — Podcast
Family, parenting, CNM
Professional Support
- PolyFriendly.org
Therapist directory - KAP Professionals
Kink‑aware professionals
Positive Media representations?
- Young Justice — La’gaan, Coral, and Rodunn
married throuple, shared parenting - Professor Marston and the Wonder Women
- Sense8
- Shortbus
Created with ❤️ for the Colorado Springs Poly/ENM Group. All links open in a new tab. Please feel free to comment or suggest additions.
Leave a Reply